So I've had a lot of typical doubts in the last couple days.
I just found out that one of my friends who isn't allowed to work in the youth ministry in our church anymore is starting his own ministry in a local park...and I'd really like to join him, I haven't heard him preach in forever, but at the same time, I worry about "what if I get too attached and stop going to youth group at church and when it comes time for my references for LLSOW my pastor will refuse to fill his out?" So I don't know where to go. I really would like to go to the park ministry meetings but I'm worried. The only One I have loyalty towards is God...but what if doing what I want to do costs me the thing I feel I'm called to do?
Which then makes me wonder, "What if I'm not good enough for the SOW? What if I shouldn't go?" My mother made the point of, "Do you realize what will happen if you don't go to college? I want to support you 100%, BUT..." and she's right. What if I don't get to go to college, if something comes up, or I can't afford it, and I end up working a job I hate forever? But what if I don't go to the SOW and go to college and I'm miserable?
I just need to cry. I don't know why. It gets the worst at night. I need to trust in God, I need to let this stuff go...God is the only One who can answer all of these things, and I need to pray and need prayer for this. It's some kind of shallow things to worry about but it's my honest worries.
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As far as SOW is concerned, if God wants you there you will be there. I wanted to go there before I even played an instrument. When I started drums I figured there would be no way I'd be good enough in time, but Kal & everyone else there was so encouraging...it's not so much about how talented you are as it is about your desire to be there & learn what God wants for your life. As for college...just pray about it, God will lead you in the right direction & open the doors for you. You can always go back to college though.
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