I haven't thought in-depth about or longed for my future at all in the last week and a half. I haven't looked past the day I've been in, except to realize I have things due at this time and that, basically to schedule schoolwork. And right now, I'm sitting here thinking about when I can take my 'placer test, when I might go and visit Kenosha in the future, things that had me so thrilled not long ago, and now I don't feel anything about them. They don't excite me.

In a way, probably because of my grade slip, subconsciously my brain is trying to tell me "Well if your grades are going to slip, and you're not going to have time to spend getting good at piano, then you may as well kiss being a senior next year goodbye." Which means that I may as well kiss my future goodbye if I don't get my grades (MATH grades) up, because I don't have any idea where I'm going.

I have GOT to stop this. I have GOT to start obeying God and letting things go. But by the same token, for some reason I'm letting myself grow distant, because the enemy keeps trying to grab at me and give me reasons to do stupid things.

God, what now?